


60% Water

by Crepuscolaria



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Not Canon Compliant, conqueror of shamballa, the summary looks sad but I swear there's an happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:21:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25509670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crepuscolaria/pseuds/Crepuscolaria
Summary: The human body is 60% water, so there should be just so many tears one can shed, isn't this right?
Relationships: Edward Elric/Roy Mustang
Kudos: 66





	60% Water

**Author's Note:**

> This work is born from a random mix of songs my Spotify decided to gift me with...it is not a song-fic, but the music definitely set a vibe (does this make sense?)  
> So if anybody is curious, here is the list of songs I listened to on repeat while writing this fic:  
> Another Love - Tom Odell  
> Your Soul - Rhodes  
> All your Gold - Bat For Lashes  
> Hold back the River - James Bay
> 
> Enjoy!

The first days are the hardest.  
Ed is in physical pain from the new arm and leg and in emotional pain because he is stranded in another world. His mind is still reeling but amidst all the chaos one thing is clear.  
Al is not with him.  
For the first week he gets a panic attack each time he stops to think about it. Usually he needs half an elements table to start breathing again. Lanthanum has become his best friend.  
Ironic how its name means “to lie hidden”. Perfect for Ed, hidden away in some kind of mirror universe.  
When his lungs are full of air, he tells himself that everything is going to be ok. Al is on the other side and he can only hope his little brother is well and safe.  
On one hand, Ed is certain that their friends will take care of him. On the other, he can’t know for sure and the doubts kill him.

He tries really hard to square his shoulders and overcome his dark thoughts, but he ends up crying constantly those first days.  
It feels strange crying so much after so many years where he had managed not to.  
He cries for Al the most, obviously. Then for himself and for his alchemy.  
When he tries for the first time, almost unconsciously, the circle coming to the front of his mind and the clapping movement a second nature, and nothing happens, it is just another nail in the coffin.

It takes a couple of weeks before he starts mourning everyone else.  
Granny Pinako and Winry. Gracia and Elicia. All the team.  
And Mustang.  
He is almost done crying by then.  
But, when he realises he will never get to argue with the Bastard or even see his irritating smirk, the dams break again.  
Edward is taken aback by how much it hurts to think about all of the potential lost...it is like a shard of glass stuck in his throat. He isn’t stupid enough to think he imagined the looks, the softness when Roy (oh God, he will never get to call him that to his face..) looked at him thinking Ed was too absorbed by a book to notice.  
It is all gone.

In the end, around a month in, he manages to stop and to accept that he has been given a new life.

\---------------------------------

It comes as a shock to learn that this world has doubles of his loved ones.  
He meets many familiar faces, but when he meets Alphonse he almost has a breakdown.  
He studies and starts working with the guy wearing the face that Ed is sure is the one his brother will have right now back in Amestris.  
Even when he is actually going on living and doing something good here, he can’t shut up about home.  
Alphonse humores him. Although, when he thinks Edward is not looking, he stares at him with something that looks like love and at the same time as pain.  
He doesn't believe Ed’s ramblings, but he knows that the boy is never actually present. His mind is with somebody else.  
Edward tries to be a good friend and to take care of him, tip toeing on a thin line to make sure he doesn’t string him along. How could he say to the guy that’s in love with him that he has a brother that looks just like him? There’s no sensible way to approach a discussion like that.  
Without taking into account the fact that Ed’s heart has not followed him to this dimension.  
Still, everytime he is in town he can’t help looking at the people around, searching for a fair face with dark hair. He never meets him.

\---------------------------------

They meet Noah by chance. She looks like Rose, but there’s nothing of the other girl in her character.  
She is the first one to believe him.  
And she is the reason he finds himself involved in the shitty plan of a crazy as fuck organization that plans to conquer his world.  
He would laugh on finding the portal if it wasn’t for the little issue of the fucking invasion of the other side.  
Feeling again the spark of alchemy, learning of a way to get back, the proof that Al is ok, speaking with him...He doesn’t sleep at night, tormenting himself with plans and what ifs, knowing full well that he will not risk opening that portal if there’s even a minuscule possibility of bringing war to his world.

But the choice apparently is not his to make.  
In the end Alphonse helps him go through the gate (“So...looks like you aren’t crazy”) and he finally gets home.

It is a complete mess.

\---------------------------------

He gets back. He has to.  
But it looks like God is not done laughing at his expense.  
Kneeling on the ground beside a dead Alphonse, with the face of Roy still imprinted in his eyes, he screams, tearing his hair in frustration and pain, while he cries the last of his tears.  
Al hugs him, staring white as a ghost to his counterpart. It mustn’t be easy for him, but he just cradles his brother close.  
And Edward is just so exhausted of having to fight and lose everything he holds dear.  
“I’m sorry Al” he keeps murmuring, only stopping when a sob shakes him.  
He took his brother’s body so many years ago. And now he has taken the whole world from him.

\---------------------------------

He owes Al a full life.  
So they start travelling because that’s what they are best at.  
This world is no less dangerous than theirs, but together they manage just fine.  
They usually stay in one place for a month at best, learning the language and the lore.  
Al develops an interest in mythology.  
Ed has no doubts that his brother is looking for a way to bring them back, even if he never admits it. He has no hope, but he never tries to stop him.

They are in Paris for a week before everything changes.

\---------------------------------

He is sitting at a cafè, a book in his hand, while the other brings the cup to his mouth.  
Ed is rooted to the spot.  
Al glances to the man than back to him, touching his arm with caution and something nervous in his eyes.  
He can understand his little brother.  
His bones are fucking aching with the effort to stay still. The soles of his feet want to leave the ground and ran towards the man. He has no doubt that his arms would fit oh so well around the other’s neck.  
But even when every cell in his body screams “Roy-Roy-Roy” like a litany, there’s his bleeding heart murmuring “that’s not him, not him, not my Roy”.  
He is still trying to calm his internal turmoil when he lifts his head, probably feeling eyes on him.  
The man with Roy’s face looks at Ed and after a moment he smiles.  
“Brother, lets go…” Al pleads, always the wiser of them.  
For the first time Edward listens.

\---------------------------------

The morning after, while Al is at the library, he goes to the cafè.  
He tells himself that there’s no guarantee he will be there, so if he is there it will not be Ed’s fault, merely fate. And when did you even begin to believe in something so stupid as fate? His treacherous mind supplies.  
He ignores it, hunching his shoulders against the cold.  
When he gets to the cafè the man is not there. He scans the tables feeling a twisting in his gut.  
Then someone comes to stop beside him.  
“I hoped i didn’t imagine you…”  
His voice is warm, his eyes open.  
Ed just gapes, unable to get a grip on his mixed feelings.  
“Can i offer you a coffee, petit soleil?”

\---------------------------------

Al starts frequenting the university.  
He still researches a lot of mythology, almost feverishly.  
Edward feels guilty because he knows his little brother misses home and because he knows even better than he worries about him.  
It’s been almost an year since they arrived in Paris. Almost an year since he is with Renè.  
Al still tries sometimes to make him see reason.  
“Do you even love him...and i mean him, brother, not the illusion you built around him…”  
Ed is aware that Al is right and that he should stop this madness, but he is too weak.

Renè is not Roy.  
He is soft, caring, open in his affection. Almost vulnerable.  
He looks at Ed as if he is the sun, he kisses his forehead and hugs him like he his precious and fragile. He says “i love you” and “chérie” and “you make me so happy”.  
Edward feels like he is rotting inside, torn between the need to be loved and the impossibility of returning the love of this man. He will destroy him. What does it say about him that he can’t do the right thing? Was he always so egotistical?  
The worst is Renè knows.  
“Are you actually with me?” he asks sometimes, touching his cheek and searching in his eyes a spark of something to reassure himself.  
Then he sighs and kisses him.

They never have sex. They try once, but as soon as Ed sees the smooth planes of the other’s chest he blanches and stops him from divesting.  
There are no scars, no sign that this body has been broken in the pursuit of an ideal too big to rest on the shoulders of one man only.  
Renè doesn’t ask questions. He puts his shirt on and gets up from the bed to make coffee.  
When he comes back, Ed hasn’t moved. He takes the proffered mug and looks out of the window, too ashamed to meet the man’s eyes.  
But he can feel them on his skin.  
“Sometimes you look like all you want to do is cry...but then, you never shed a tear…”  
Edward smiles. It is a sad and pathetic thing but he owes at least this to him.  
“The human body is just sixty percent water...i already used all my share…”  
The man stares at him, then exhales shakily and covers his eyes with a perfect, unscarred hand.  
“On another love…?” he asks in a murmur.  
Ed nods and lets Renè cry for the both of them.

\---------------------------------

They leave Paris.  
Ed is miserable and Al is restless, there’s no point calling home a place that could never be one.  
They resume their travelling. Al keeps on researching.  
Even though they meet many other doubles of their friends, they never make the same mistake again. These people have their own histories and identities. It is not fair to push on them their memories only because they look like their loved ones.  
Edward has learned the lesson the hard way.  
He still thinks about Renè sometimes, hoping he hasn’t hurt the man too much.  
But he knows better and he has to live with this burden too.

\---------------------------------

A couple of years after Paris, Al comes back to the apartment they’re renting in London and almost breaks down the door in his haste.  
“I’ve found it, Brother!”  
Ed looks up from his book and he really would prefer not to feel hope stirring in his gut. He thought he had killed the bitch.  
“There’s a record of a circle...it’s ancient! And when i say ancient i mean…”  
Al explains in detail his discovery, excitement clear in his voice and in his every movement.  
Edward doesn't want to believe him, but he can’t just ignore his little brother either.  
If there’s a possibility that Al can get back home...He is careful to not think of himself as a part of the plan. The hope he feels is a broken, tiny, miserable thing.  
He is not sure he can deal with another delusion.

\---------------------------------

The circle of stones is not properly an alchemical circle.  
Some parts are missing, but it’s easy for the brothers to draw them from memory.  
Al research lead him to think that the massive stones absorb energy from the earth and from the sun and the moon. They should act as amplifiers of sort, so they won’t need an homunculus to activate the circle (they are not exactly on hand in this world...and Ed is still not able to not think of them as beings).  
He wasn’t exaggerating when he said the thing is ancient.  
And if it has kept on accumulating energy, while there were no more alchemists in this world for centuries to harvest it....They could be dealing with an impressive amount of it.  
“Done...you ready, brother?”  
Ed gives a look around. He trusts Al implicitly, but his nerves are in knots and his stomach is doing somersaults.  
He takes a deep breath, steels himself (ha!) and then smiles, trying to put behind it some enthusiasm for his little brother.  
“Yeah...let’s do it.”  
They crouch on the ground, take a look at each other, turn back to the circle and clap in perfect synchrony.

\---------------------------------

They come to in Xerxes.  
Well, in the ruins of what once was Xerxes. And it makes sense in some twisted way that the most ancient alchemical circle they found on the other side would be connected to the most ancient place alchemy was practised in on this plane.  
Al is laughing hard, splayed on the ground, looking up at the sky. There’s an edge of hysteria in it, but mostly he sounds happy.  
Ed is too stunned to react.  
“We made it, brother! We’re home!”  
Al words get stuck in his head on repeat, until his brain finally catches up.  
He gasps, feeling his throat constrict.  
He covers his face with his arm (the flesh one, he knows he needs to be careful with touching his own automail in this heat) and tries very hard to control his shaking body.  
“Brother...don’t waste water now, ok?”  
Al is hesitant in his approach. He couldn’t have said anything better though.  
Edward laughs.

\---------------------------------

Being stranded in the desert is fucking awful.  
They have dealt with worse in their days and being able to use his alchemy again is a great help obviously.  
But meeting a convoy of merchants is lucky. They can get back a lot faster travelling with them.

They decide that their first stop should be Risembool.  
Al can see clearly Ed restlessness, but Granny Pinako comes first.  
It’s been four years, they can’t let the old woman mourn them any longer. She deserves better than that for caring about them as if they were her own for all their lives.  
When they get home (God, how a single word, four meagre letters, can mean so so much) she shrieks upon seeing them and then promptly faints.  
Ed rolls his eyes, but he is the first to help her up.  
“What, old hag? Did you seriously think you were done with us?”  
The smirk on his face is bright and happy even when Granny hits him with a wench.

\---------------------------------

They call Winry next, because travelling to Rush Valley would be a pain.  
Ed’s automail needs some adjusting and Granny refuses to put her hands on her granddaughter work as always.  
Winry is silent for sometime on the other side of the phone.  
Then she laughs, tremulous and watery.  
“You dumbasses...what took you so long?”

\---------------------------------

They take their sweet time just drinking in the sight of the hills, eating Granny’s food, bickering with Win.  
They start to heal from the secret ugly pain of being homeless and alone.  
Al feels whole again. More so than when he got his body back.  
Ed on the other hand is still missing something.  
He tries not to push, lets him be. But, when almost a month has passed, he sits beside his big brother, leaning against his shoulder.  
“Don’t you want at least to call…?”  
Edward sights, bringing his flesh hand to brush his little brother’s hair.  
“I don’t think this is something that could be explained on the phone, Al…”  
And he shouldn’t have given him an opening like that.  
Al is the one with the innocent, angelic, baby face. But he is far from innocent. He is a manipulative little shit. They’re just all very lucky that he uses his mischief to do good.  
“I guess we should head to Central, then…”  
He doesn’t wait for an answer. Just gets up and leaves the room without giving him a chance to reply. He can hear him announcing to the women in the kitchen that they’re gonna jump on a train next morning.  
Jeez, he loves his little brother.

\---------------------------------

Being back in Central is, for lack of a better word, overwhelming.  
It’s like now that he is in the same city, Ed can’t help wanting to run to the man.  
At the same time he can’t help fearing the moment he will meet him.  
What if he doesn’t want to see him?  
What if he isn’t even in town?  
What if he forgot about him?  
What if he got married?  
What if something...Ed stops his mind from going to the worst case scenario.  
He didn’t travel through fucking dimensions for nothing.

They check in in a hotel not too far from the headquarters and he starts unpacking his suitcase.  
Al huffs, punching him lightly on the head.  
“Stop it...lets go grab some coffee. I’m sure they’ll appreciate it…”  
He doesn’t need to say who “they” are.

So, half an hour later they have a bag full of pastries from a nice little bakery and another with a tray of coffees, and they are stuck at the gates arguing with a soldier that doesn’t believe Ed is the Fullmetal Alchemist. Technically he is right, Ed lost his watch, but surely there aren’t that many blond alchemists around with golden eyes…?  
Al is trying to be reasonable, and Ed is trying to rein in his building temper, when there’s a shrill sound behind them and they turn around as one, ready to attack.  
“You...You...it can’t be...Is it really…?”  
And here they go, the Elric brothers, making women faint left and right.  
Al smiles fondly, helping Sheska get back on her feet.  
She hugs them fiercely, jumping up and down like an over excited kid.  
They can’t even begin to tackle the onslaught of questions she pours on them, that she is already ordering the shaken soldier to let them all pass if he doesn’t want to hear from the Fuhrer himself.  
Ed tenses immediately. Has Roy...or…?  
The soldier apologizes profusely, letting them in the HQ.

\---------------------------------

Walking the hallways is nerve wracking.  
Al squeezes his flesh shoulder in comfort and Ed is grateful to have him at his side.  
Doubts and questions swirl in his mind. But what has him shaking is the pure, unadulterated hunger. He is hungry to be in his presence. To see him. To talk to him. He wants. With an intensity that is scaring him and making his teeth clench hard.

The door to the office looks more imposing than the gate of Truth.  
He stares at it, unmoving. It’s Al that opens it.  
There’s an unnatural stillness in the air, a profound silence, when several pair of eyes settle on them.  
“Ehi guys, we’re back!”  
Bless his little brother for making everything light and easy.

The room erupts in chaos all of a sudden.  
There are shouts and declarations of surprise. Breda swears loudly.  
Havoc jumps over his desk in his haste to get to the boys.  
They hug and start firing questions, but all suddenly falls silent again when there’s a tiny sob. A sound so minuscule is a miracle they even heard it.  
Ed’s eyes are huge and surprised when Hawkeye tackles him, grabbing Al with her free arm, to hug them both at the same time.  
“Welcome back!”  
She whispers.  
Edward hugs her back, stunned and feeling guilty. They managed to make Hawkeye cry.  
There must be a curse on the Elrics men.

“Have you all lost your mind? What is this commotion?”

\---------------------------------

Ed stares at the man that emerges from his office and feels his heart stop.  
He always thought it was a stupid expression, but he is now aware that it is a fucking reality.  
Riza, dries her eyes hastily, freeing them. Everyone is looking at Roy.  
The Fuhrer. Who just stands there, staring at the Elrics.  
He has his blank face on, but there’s a twitch in his jaw that belies the effort of keeping it.  
“We’re back, Fuhrer Mustang...with coffee!”  
Ed. Loves. His. Brother.  
Al just smiles beatifically, lifting the bags from the bakery as proof.  
His eyes though are sharp and fixed on the older man. He isn’t afraid of his alchemy, or his rank, or...anything really. If he hurts his brother, there’s anything in this world (or in the other) that could stop him from taking vengeance.  
“Thank you, Alphonse. Welcome back.”  
He replies, a gracious smile on his lips and an imperceptible nod directed to the younger brother.  
“Fullmetal, come, i want a report of your....trip.”  
He turns his back to the room to retreat in his office.  
Edward starts breathing again, almost euphoric that the Bastard is well and as self-assured as always.  
He rolls his eyes for show, muttering “Not your dog, Bastard…”  
But he follows him. And as he closes the door behind himself, he hears Falman’s strangled whisper.  
“Do you think we need to evacuate the building…?”

\---------------------------------

As soon as the door clicks shut, there are hands grabbing his shoulders and bringing him against a chest.  
This hug...he waited for it for years, even before ending up stranded in a different world.  
Roy clings to him, fisting one hand in his jacket, between his shoulder blades, and the other at the nape of his neck.  
Ed doesn’t complain about his ponytail being disrupted, just circles his arms around the other man’s waist and holds on for dear life.  
There’s a lump in his throat and he tries to swallow it, whispering a broken “Bastard”, feeling already too exposed even without uttering his name.  
But he just shushes him.  
“Just a moment, please…”  
He sounds just as broken.  
His hands tremble slightly and Edward holds him impossibly tighter.  
He feels the dull pain in his chest finally ease. If this is all just affection on Mustang’s part it’s still ok. It doesn’t matter. Ed has long since come to terms with the sheer vastity of his feelings.  
He can deal. Even if Roy doesn’t feel the same about him, there’s nothing he wouldn’t do just to make him happy and keep him safe.

They stay like that for minutes that feel like hours.  
There’s no sound inside or outside the office. Ed suspects everybody actually left the room to give them some privacy.  
He should be more worried that apparently all of their friends know that they need it, but he is just grateful.  
He keeps his face hidden against Roy’s neck, absorbing the smell of clean clothes and some kind of subtle, but spicy cologne, ginger or something like that. The man’s cheek rests on his head. For the first time he doesn’t mind the height difference.

\---------------------------------

That night he lies, languid and sated, in a bed that is not his own.  
Roy is still half on top of him, trailing fleeting kisses on his collarbone, an hand abandoned on his waist, fingers drawing circles on his flesh.

They don’t speak, just basking in the moment. And it is startlingly easy.  
Until Roy shifts to get up on his elbows. He studies Edward’s face.  
“Tell me about the other world.”  
He already asked the same in his office this morning.  
Ed had explained about his life there, about Alphonse and why he decided to go back there after the failed invasion of Amestris. Then he told him about his years with Al and how it was him who did all the research that led them back home, because he was too afraid to come up empty handed. He told him about the doppelgangers. But he didn’t tell him everything and Roy is just too observant to not have noticed.  
Ed could lie, or could deflect. Instead he sights.  
“I met the other you…”  
He admits, biting his lips nervously while trying to gauge the older man’s reaction.  
Roy tenses imperceptibly, but doesn’t move or say anything otherwise. He just waits.  
“His name is Renè...he has your face, but has a completely different life.” Ed has to fight every word out of his mouth. “He is a writer, lives in Paris...it’s a nice city, very romantic if you’re that kind of guy…”  
Roy shifts, holding his head with an hand in order to free the other one. He lays it on the side of Edward’s neck, moving his thumb to caress the skin that goes down to his shoulder.  
Ed knows it’s a gesture meant to reassure himself and he stutters, searching the dark eyes for hurt or discomfort. They are void though. So he keeps going, because he can understand the wish to know everything, to be a part of the the time they lost, in some way.  
“I knew it was wrong, but i...i thought i couldn’t come back and that the only life i could have was in that reality. But i didn’t manage to…feel the same way...about him.”  
Roy’s hand stills and so does Ed.  
“What happened.”  
It’s not a question, not an order, not a plea. Just an input.  
“We dated, for a year...it was...nice, but i felt as if i was looking at somebody else's life, like i was wearing somebody else’s clothes...It wasn’t my place.” He sights, needing to stop for a moment to regain composure. The guilt is still bringing bile to his throat after two years.  
“In the end i couldn't...bring our relationship to...the next step…” God, being sensible instead of honest and crass is hard. “We split up. He...he was hurt, but...he knew i could not be there with him…”  
He takes Roy’s hand, lifts it up to his lips and kisses the scarred alchemical circle.  
This is what he wants. This is the most precious thing. Their shared history. The understanding between them that life isn’t simple, that difficult choices are necessary sometimes and that no matter what happens, giving up the fight is not an option.

\---------------------------------

Later, he wakes up in that same bed.  
Roy is staring at him and this time his eyes are wide open, full to the brim with worry.  
“I gave up at first…”  
He admits in a whisper.  
“When you disappeared...i...i helped Alphonse of course, but as soon as he was safe in Risembool with Mrs and Miss Rockbell, i left.”  
Ed tries to interrupt him, to tell that it doesn’t matter because he hears the hurt in his voice.  
The man just shushes him.  
“I went North, isolated myself in a cabin out in the nothingness. I only came back when Olivier received news of the first battle in Liore. She told me Al had found you and that there was a threat on Amestris, again.”  
He stops, leaning towards Edward to card his fingers in the blonde hair.  
“I will not pretend i thought of the country on my trip back to Central. And when i got there, i only got a glimpse of you, before you were gone again.”  
“Roy…” Ed tries a second time, strangled. In a instant there’s a pale finger against his lips.  
“I gave up when you disappeared the first time because at one point i realised it didn’t matter. I wanted to make a better world to live in it...But without you...What did it matter without you? And i told myself that if i wasn’t fighting for you or for the future i dreamed, then i was fighting just for the sake of fighting. Nothing more and nothing less than a weapon. Again.”  
He turns his whole body towards the younger, caressing his hair in a soothing gesture.  
“But i couldn’t give up the second time around. Because i knew...i knew, Edward, that you would come back...And i hoped, beyond hope, that you would come back to me…my sun...”  
And Edward was so sure he didn’t have anymore water to waste, he is shocked when Roy leans in to drink his tears away.  
But he doesn’t care, sobbing while holding him.  
Even if the whole sixty percent water in his body evaporates it’s ok, just as long as he has the flames of this feeling to compensate it.  


**Author's Note:**

> If you've come this far, thanks for reading <3  
> And if you enjoyed this please let me know :)


End file.
